i'm tired of this junky old xanga page.

i've got a new one.

because i'm a caterpillar...

birthing into a new, much more beautiful animal.

i'm at:

um... too late if you haven't looked before, ya missed it.

you're all invited.

so, singning off from this xanga for a long time (or till tomorrow.  i wanna save my pages already written and transfer them to my new page)

tank.

ONCE AGAIN...

i've come to the conclusion that i don't really want to start anything with Jade.

lets see...

it's the same thing again.

brotherman joe, aka www.xanga.com/joesouljah , thinks she likes me, and wants to start a relationship with me and crap.

i think if thats the case, she has a funny way of showing it.

but you know what?

I'VE GOT HOES...

in different... zip codes.

hahahaha!!!

nah, i'm just talking to a bunch of different girls.

they're all wonderful people, and will make somebody very happy one day.

maybe one of them will be me!

but not yet... i'm just getting to know them.

hey, i'm 20, i know what i want in a woman.

so i don't need to go and date eight billion girls at once to, "figure out what i want."

but yeah.

i feel like a manslut.

i'm not dating any of them.

we're just friends.

but... i feel so dirty sometimes.

maybe i should take a bath.

that might help.

so let me tell you about the other three...

THERE'S CHANEL...

she's a shy one.

really sweet.

sensitive.

beautiful.

wonderful.

can bake cookies.

just a great girl.

and i know once she gets comfortable... past the shy part.

its over.

life as i know it would end.

with this:  O

you guys know what i'm talking about.

i can see myself growing old with her, living on the hillside in the country.

she's just cool like that.

AND ON THE LEFT WE HAVE...

christy.

very trusting.

quiet (like me).

collects shoes.

listens to country... SCREETCH!!!

country?

i dunno about that one girl.

other than that... so very level headed.

negative: she is a city person, and i'm not wanting that.

SO FAR...

i'm gonna go with chanel.

she's a simple girl who needs simple things.

and i like that.

TO MAKE A SHORT STORY SHORTER:

i want you to fill out this little survey.

hell, i don't think anyone's gonna fill it out.

but its worth a shot.

SURVEY SAYS:

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your xanga and see what I say about you?

YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME...

but i don't know your either.

we pass by each other every day.

i know you see me... and you know i see you.

you're beautiful.

and i am in awe of it.

especially that time where that kid fell down, and you helped him up, and brushed off his knees.

or when i saw you give your lunch to that homeless guy.

i just wanted to let you know, that you are a beautiful person.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL...

and really, i don't want you to.

nah, just playing.

i'm soooooo bored.

bored with my job, with my lifestyle.

i need something different.

new job.

yes, it's that season.

a job... doing nothing.

and getting paid.

oh well, i guess i can't work for C&C honolulu... they have enough slackers.

shit, i can take 5 hour lunches.

and i can make changing a doorknop look like manual-fucking-work.

DAMMIT!

every time i think i'm getting somewhere with her...

shit happens.

she got mad at me last night.

hell, it was the same thing again!

i was getting into this deep conversation, trying to figure out if i want to go to school here or the mainland.

i really wanted her input.

and she says, "i think you have a lot on your mind.  you should take some time by yourself to figure out what you want to do, now."

so i answer, "well, i'll talk to you tomorrow."

i figured she had to work (today), and wanted to go to sleep.

she prompty blows up at me, and calls me a dick.

you know what?

the heck with that.

she called twice this last hour.

i'm not answering.

RIINNNGGG RIINNNGGG...

i hope kadi gets off of drill early on sunday.

he needs to sell me a new cel phone.

mine shuts itself off randomly, and has 30min of talk time with a full battery.

you know how we do in the ghetto [kalihi]. 

I TAWT I TAW A PUDDY CAT...

as i was crossing the street today, i saw one of my old friends.

we sorta lost touch.

she wants to know why i don't call her anymore, and wants to do something this weekend.

she's hot.

and she doesn't get mad at me for innane reasons.

i used to have a crush on her.

maybe i still do. 

SO LET ME LEAVE YOU WITH THIS...

oh, and by the way, i think i'm gonna buy a lacoste polo tomorrow.

it's pimp.

and i have a track meet at UH, if anyone wants to come and support me.

yeah, i didn't think so.

oh well. 

WORD.

I THINK SHE READS THIS...

but i'm not sure.

jade!

i like you a lot!

there.

i said it.

so call me...

i'll pick up this time.

i promise.

BECAUSE

i watched the last samurai last night.

started at 10:15.

ended at 1am.

it was about honor, and loyalty...

things i've forgotten about lately.

i remember now.

and i am ashamed.

i have pushed away a beautiful, wonderful, loving, giving, intelligent, fun loving...

yeah.

you get the idea.

i'm sorry jade.

really.

i'll do anything to make it up to you.

anything.

i had my, "revelation."

i'm done being stupid, selfish.

i want something more.

something real.

i want to be the person in your cheering section.

and i want you to be that person for me.

ON ANOTHER NOTE

one of the idiots quit her job.

we used to work together...

haha!

one down, one to go.

i knew it would happen.

she's trapped, but she won't admit it.

20 bucks says he forced the issue with her.

and you know what?

i don't care.

she tried calling...

i haven't picked up.

and i never will.

because i'm getting a new phone soon.

and she won't ever get the number.

ever.

mwahahahaha!!!

sometimes, i'm so evil.

WORD.